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Saturday, July 18, 2009

Garden Work ~ As Viewed From Heaven

I came across this on the internet a few years ago and wanted to share it.

Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is going on down there in the U.K. What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colour by now. All I see are patches of green.

St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called the suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass

God: Grass? But it is so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and worms. It's temperamental with tempertures. Do these Suburbanites relly want grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparantly not Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it.. sometimes two times a week.

God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight.... they fertilize it to make it grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the Summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis:
You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the Spring to provide beauty and shade in the Summer. In the Autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the Winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

St. Francis:
After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about......

God: Never mind - I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!

(Author unknown)


  1. Now that made me laugh! How true, how true.

  2. ha ha that is so funny but true! God would like my backyard right now though, ha ha

  3. That's hilarious! Describes my dad perfectly! It drives me crazy, this lawn maintenance stuff.

  4. Hi Debbie. :) It is funny isn't it but describes what many of us do. No wonder big companies make money out of us! lol

    Hi Nancy. :) Awww, I bet your backyard is very pretty then. One of my favourite wildflowers is the Dandelion and when it grows alongside Purple Honesty (Lunaria), it looks fantastic.

    Hi Cg. :) My dad's the same. Everything has to be in neat little rows and all of a certain height. lol My mum's more of a wildlife gardener.... it leads to a great clash of interest in their house at times! :O)

  5. This is so true! We suburbanites are so foolish sometimes. I do try to keep things natural wherever I can, but my husband does love his lawn. We compost the clippings and the leaves and use the loam they become around the yard and we almost never water the grass. We save the rainwater in buckets for the flowers, and we never pull dandelions or use poison.

  6. Hi Deedee. :) I think Saint Francis was rash in his generalisation. You are a good example of the exception to the rule....... and me too of course! :D

    Yes, we try to garden as naturally as we can also. I've never been much good at lawn maintenance though so we have as small a patch as possible. A beautiful lawn is a work of art I think.